Thursday, February 09, 2006
Hi people,
Ya, i know its long time since i updated, but i din write this entry for update, but its because i cant sleep at 4 am in the nite and i got lab in the day. Y i cant sleep? Well you have to be patience to read the entry then..
Tonite, I start to think, am i really a failure in relationship or wat? Let me admit something first, most of my relationships, i mean most, is because the gal is interested in me, and then i be with them because of the slight interests i have in them. Ya i know i am bad for this, but who dont want a gal that likes him? Of course, if a guy likes a gal, and vice versus, then its great, but the chances that both of them like each other alot, its close to none. And it applies to me, lets talk about some history before i go on. The most dearest that i love before, really, love before is only 2 gals in my life, both of them are from the same sec sch of mine, 1 is during my sec school life, and another is after i graduate and i went back as grad seniors. Really, these 2 is the 1 that i will focus alot, but well the question come about, then wat happen between this 2? For the first one, we are young, and i made a grave mistake, even now i feel that i shouldnt have made that mistake, its to believe in someone's rumour and then i start to annoy her, eventually left her. I was stupid, only realise after so long, after i graduate then i know that she is still waiting for me, when i realise my mistake, but too late, she left her heart at the sec school after she grad and move on. The 2nd one, i been with her the longest, even though its onli near to 2 years, but i really love her, there is a period of time when we have bad times, its because she is inside a committee headed by my sister, and i having war with my sister, and my sister bad mouth me, telling her all abt my stuffs, then she was stuck in the middle between me and her, first she love me and dun dare to offend me, but she dun dare to offend my sister because she is her head, then she eventually broke down a few times and i told her that it is okie, but of course she cant take the pressure and when i know of the rumours, i told her it is not truth, but the worse got the better of me, i start to be impatient of her attitude and her keeping slience most of the time. But thinking back, i believe that it is my fault for not being patience with her and being with her at that time, then eventually i lost her.
Then the time comes when i have on and off relationships, sorry to those that are once my gf and is reading this blog, but i have to admit that i am not stable enough to be a truthly bf that love you dearly. Then now comes the question, so what happened? Hmm, once in magnum, i like someone alot, really alot, i will send her home, fetch her from place to place, do things that she like, but eventually she din choose me, i was very very sad, (I think the seniors will know who) and i dun like the feeling when she is with the guy and eventually she din last with the guy, i suppose to hate the guy but wats the point?? Then i start to feel that it becomes so hard to like a gal and then hopefully win her heart, because, i not a smart lover, i am a idiot when come to pamper a gal.. So when making her laugh or juz doing small things, its not my cup of tea.. and most gals perfer guys to do that to them. So after so long in magnum, i never like a gal alot, as much as what i wanted to her, because i scared to lose, maybe to me face is more important? Am i?
Magnum graduates and time flies, now i am in NTU.. Meet this gal and at the start she was attached, well i din really pin much hope on that, but i still like her, eventually she was not attached, thats a relief of course, so i talked to her more, but mostly msn, or msg, din really have a chance to go out with her, because she is busy busy, hmm always packed. I dun mind though, because i am often packed also, so its okie if she is not free to go out.. We are quite close, only recently i start to open up on her, and hint her that i like her, and the good thing is, she got the idea liao, but the sad thing is, cheerobics is coming along, and she is packed with work and school, so i din pressure her and say, "can i be ur bf?" Cause its not fair and she cant think, but then she gave me an indirect ans, she still like her ex alot, the reason she broke off with her ex is because of her work and him, not able to adjust to her lifestyle, or compromise to her. And then her ex is asking for a patch up, then it give me a big setback, should i give them a chance, or should i ask her now? Cause i know that the moment i ask her, she will be confused and dun know what to do.. But the onli thing i wanted to know now is, do i still hold the chance? The more i waited, the more i talk to her, being with her, the more i dun wan to lose her. But of course, things wont always goes ur way, i scared of the feeling, i dun wan to lose her, but eventually she have a a deeper feeling for a ex than me, and there are so many guys that is better than me and have interests in her.
Ya, Maybe most of you will say, hey get a life, study hard and dun bother abt it, but well, the fact is, i am thinking about it now, or else i wont be blogging here. I will study hard, no doubt, but i also wont wan to miss the chance to reach out for the gal that i like, truthly like and wanted to last long with her. Everytime i go slow about things, i will miss the thing, but i dun wan to rush it, because its unhealthy, i wan to know the fact whether am i suitable for her life and is she suitable for my life.. But time dun give us the option, now i left with no option but wait.
She is going to give her ex an answer very soon, this 2 days time, i really scared that she will agree and they patch, first i am happy for her, but i am also sad.. Ya i am a loser, but i dun care, maybe i really a loser, juz that i din notice it myself.
Goodbye..
Noted my chronicles at 4:01 AM
