Thursday, March 23, 2006
Today, I woke up, read my msn, and saw her reply. It was shocking to me, if onli i din read my msn, i will have gone to my lab. Ya i skipped my last lab, i simply dun care, i lost my heart to do things. I was very sad, not in the mood to smile or wat, heart is in pain, its crying badly. I told her some stuffs, obviously she not awake. But that wont change anything, feel sad for her, but there is onli this much i can do. Went back to sleep, hoping to forget what happen in the day. Frenz called and ask me what happened, i din tell her anything, her side, her bf is another weirdo. I think i am like that in the past, when u wan to escape from the gal, there is ton of weird reasons u can think of. But seriously, is it fair? Juz be honest and i think it be better that way. I trying to do that, and i seriously wan to do that. Woke up at 2, but still dun feel good, open msn, and she said she din expect me to feel this way, seriously, how you expect me to feel? You know i like you, and it hurts when i see my loved one depress themselves, and thats nothing i can do. I wanted to tell you that i wan to make a difference in you, I wan to love you like no one else have. But i cant, cause you are still shut off, i wan to leave you alone now.
Dun know y, i msg her again, she asked abt me. Really that bad? Yes its that bad. How bad? its worse than the feeling when i have car accident. Looks like it going to take along time to heal, but time still heals.. She dun get it, maybe she is confused, maybe she is lost, maybe she juz afraid to love again. Dun be afraid.. Talk to her again and hope she tells me how she feels.. But our conversation juz ended like that, no end, there wont be a start.
I dun know what to do after that, lie on the bed, but find it pointless, so i tried playing game, totally no mood, i dun care, i wanted to quit when i juz started, but i stayed on. Wanted to watch a movie with some people, but no one is free. I wan to cheer myself up, but dun seems to work. Now i here blogging, for dun know y also. Exam coming and i here, maybe this is what they call motivation.
Side track, i was selected for my Club for a Ball thing, on May 6, there is a bash at Liquid Room. Its 13 dollar per entry with 1 free drink. Those that are interested to go down and support me. Please tell me, and i get the tickets for u. Its may 6, so hope that my feeling will be set by then, either with a deep love, or a dead love.
P.S I can onli hug you when in dream, and it shattered when the alarm rings. Its onli a dream, its never a reality.
Noted my chronicles at 6:18 PM
